Well we got into our new home. A big three bedroom mobile home. I am still working my ass off, and enjoying every minute of it. We are still one big happy family. If that is what you can call it. Sometimes, I feel like I am invading their territory. I come home from work and stay in my room. I don't even feel like listening to them. I don't think that this is going on much longer. I guess I should start looking for my own place.

It's been a while since I have been on. He sent for me, and It is me he chose. I am working here in NM, I'm an assistant manager, and I have decided that regardless of what happens with us, I am staying here in NM. I really do love it here. I have been back for about four months now, and I am still not a hundred percent sure that it is me that he wants. He has called me by his ex's name twice, but who's counting. I just have to remember that I am here, not her. But does he still love her? I don't know. I am working now, and I have two bank accounts, so whatever happens, I am going to go on here. I really do love living in NM. Later

So, three weeks tomorrow. I am getting used to life back here. I have been looking for a job, cause it doesn't look like I am going back to New Mexico. He doesn't even answer my calls. I guess I got dumped once again. I called him tonight and just got the voice mail. We have only been back together a little over a year now, and I started trusting him again. I am such a fool. I don't know what I am going to do. I love him so much. But I guess he doesn't feel the same about me. God this hurts. And for all my hard work, I got a laptop and a three piece set of unmatched luggage. I hope he finds whatever or whoever he is looking for.

I came back to Cali to see my kids and grandkids for the holidays,
and I miss Abq. so bad. I got in late yesterday afternoon, and I am not all that happy to be here. I am glad I get to see the kids, but I saw my ex last night and he looks terrible. I don't know how I ever lived with this man. I sure miss Ken. I even miss those two annoying, boneheaded sons of his. Life is so much better with them.
I don't know if I am going to make it through the holidays. Being here reminds me of all the bad things in life. This is a different world to me now. This town hasn't changed at all, it has grown and new business are here, but the people are still the same. I am a different person now, and I don't belong here.

I cannot believe how much my granddaughter has grown. She is so beautiful. I looked out the window and saw the prettiest little girl, and didn't even recognize that it was my Katie. I had to do a double take. Well I guess that is all for now, will write again from Hell.

They will be here in about two days. And, to top it off, I had a dream about his ex coming back into his life. Am I being paranoid?
I don't know. I got an I.M. from my ex sister-in-law the other day, and she started ragging on me for leaving Cali, and deserting my family. My kids are grown. I really do miss my kids and grandkids, but I did my job. I was no longer happy. I was suffering from extreme depression, and just wanted not to wake up in the morning. I am really happy now. I don't look at it as I deserted them, I look at it as saving my own life. I actually look forward to waking up in the morning. Maybe it won't be too bad having the boys back. It will keep him from stressing over them. Like I said in an earlier blog, "He is everything I never knew I wanted". Isn't love grand.